இந்தியா மிகவும் நல்ல நாடு டா.

இரண்டு பாகிஸ்தானியர்கள் பேசிக்கொள்கிறார்கள்; சற்று காது கொடுத்து கேட்போம்.

"இந்தியா மிகவும் நல்ல நாடு டா "

"என்னடா, யாராவது நம் தேசத்தில் இதை கேட்டால் என்ன ஆகும் தெரியுமில்லே ?"

"பின்ன என்னடா , இந்தியா எவ்வளவு அடித்தாலும் தாங்கிக்கொள்கிறது , மேலும் திருப்பியே அடிக்க மாட்டேங்கிறது. அது நல்ல நாடா  இல்லையா ?"

How Google translation created a laugh riot?

There was an article in Tamil posted by my Facebook friend Vikanasa Ram. (https://www.facebook.com/vikanasa.raam.5/posts/389730914491960) It was about the benefits of Beetroot. Since it contained very useful information, I thought I would share it by getting it translated by Google.

I reproduce here some of the sentences both in Tamil and its translation. I am not responsible if you complain of pain in the rib due to laugh riot.

Tamil                                                                                       English
மலச்சிக்கலைப் போக்கும்                                 Go to constipation
அரிப்பு - எரிச்சலைத் தவிர்க்கும்.                    Reducing erosion - to                                                                                avoid annoyance
கிட்னியில் சேர்ந்துள்ள தேவையற்றவைகளைப் போக்கிவிடும்  Kidney joined rid of the noise

Maybe you can have fun by asking Google to translate a humorous story of your favourite author (I would suggest Sujatha whose subtle humour is always enjoyable) into English.   

An American to Tamil girl.

AMERICAN: yesterday i told 'I LOVE YOU' to one Tamil girl.

INDIAN: what she say?

AMERCAN(happily); she said "COME NAUGHTY WELCOME OUR PINCH ROOM"

INDIAN: ada loosu payale! apdiyilla...
Ava sonnathu " கம்மனாட்டி வெளக்குமாறு பிஞ்சிரும்".

What is your ultimate courage?

This picture requires no further words.

Source:

Are you a Ganguly fan?

As Ganguly said, enjoy this conversation from outside. Don't miss one of Ryder's replies. Sreesanth's application shout is amusing.

I know it is difficult to read the image clearly. Pl visit the source for a clearer view.

Call Center in the year 2020.

Operator: Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator : Can I have your multi-purpose card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah! Hold on..... My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr. Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astronished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by! credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in system ,you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: " ????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: (now pissed) ***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))
Operator: Better watch your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer: Faints..

Husbands for sale!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.


Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
* You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
* There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
* There is, however, a catch.. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

After reading this amusing piece sent to me by my friend Rajagopalan N, I stumbled to a sequence to this on David's Google +.

"To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
* The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
* The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.

I thank both of you for giving me a few laughs.

Water representative and the rancher.

A U.S. Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."

The old rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The Water representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.

See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull.

The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out.....

"Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"

Source: http://www.amusingfacts.com/humour

What a dog can teach us.

a.. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

b.. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

c.. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy.

d.. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

e.. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

f.. Take naps.

g.. Stretch before rising.

h.. Run, romp, and play daily.

i.. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

j.. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

k.. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

l.. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

m.. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

n.. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt
thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

o.. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

p.. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had
enough.

q.. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

r.. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

s.. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by
and nuzzle.

Author unkown. I got this in an email sometime back. It only contained the following lines:
"This was sent to me by Dr. Anandalakshmy a few years ago. Greetings and all good wishes to you, Ma'am, on this special day. Happy Teachers' Day.

Thank you whoever it is.

நித்யாவுக்கு கல்யாணம். சாப்ட்வேர் மாப்பிள்ளை.

வித்யா : என்னடி திடீர்னு ஃபோன் பண்ணியிருக்க என்ன விஷயம்?நித்யா: வீட்ல மாப்பிளை பார்க்கலாம்னு நிறைய இடத்துல ரிஜிஸ்டர் பண்ணாங்க இல்லை? நிறைய ஜாதகமா வந்திருக்கு. அதுல 4-5 ஒத்து வர மாதிரி இருக்கு. எதை செலக்ட் பண்ணலாம்னு தெரியலை. அதான் குழம்பி போய் இருக்கேன்.

வித்யா : என்ன குழப்பம்?

நித்யா : நிறைய சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியருங்க ஜாதகம் வந்திருக்கு. இப்ப எல்லாம் சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியருங்க வேற ஃபீல்ட்ல இருக்கற பொண்ணுங்களை தான் கல்யாணம் பண்ணிக்கனும் யோசிக்கறாங்களாம். அதான் இதுல யாரை செலக்ட் பண்றதுனு தெரியல. நீதான் சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியராச்சே. எனக்கு கொஞ்சம் சஜஷன் சொல்லு.

வித்யா : சொல்லிட்டா போகுது. ஒவ்வொருத்தரும் என்ன பொசிஷனு சொல்லு.

நித்யா: முதல் மாப்பிள்ளை மேனஜரா இருக்காரு.

வித்யா : மேனஜரா? அப்படினா எப்பவுமே எதோ பிஸியா இருக்கற மாதிரி ஒரு பில்ட் அப் கொடுப்பாரு. ஆனா உருப்படியா ஒண்ணும் செய்ய மாட்டாரு. ஒரு கிலோ அரிசில ஊருக்கே சாப்பாடு செய்ய சொல்லுவாரு. ஆட்டுக்கறி வாங்கிட்டு வந்து கொடுத்துட்டு சிக்கன் 65 செய்ய சொல்லுவாரு. அது முடியாதுனு சொன்னாலும், ஒத்துக்க மாட்டாரு. எப்படியாவது ராத்திரி பகலா கஷ்டப்பட்டு உழைச்சாவது அதை செஞ்சி முடிக்கனும்னு சொல்லுவாரு. வேணும்னா நைட் கேப் (cab) அரெஞ்ச் பண்றனு சொல்லுவாரு. டேய் ராத்திரி பகல் முழிச்சா மட்டும் எப்படிடா செய்ய முடியும் கேட்டாலும் ஒத்துக்க மாட்டாரு.

வித்யா: ஆஹா. அவ்வளவு ஆபாத்தானவரா? அப்ப நம்ம எஸ்கேப். 
அடுத்து இருக்கறவரு டெஸ்ட் இஞ்சினியரு.

நித்யா: இவரு அவரை விட ஆபத்தானவரு. எது செஞ்சாலும் அதுல இருக்கற குறையை மட்டும் கரெக்டா சொல்லுவாரு. நீ பத்து வெரைட்டி சமைச்சு அவரை அசத்தனும்னு நினைச்சாலும் அதுல எதுல உப்பு கம்மியா இருக்குனு மட்டும் சொல்லுவாரு. நல்லா இருக்குனு எதுவுமே சொல்ல மாட்டீங்களானு கேட்டா, நல்லா செய்ய வேண்டியது தான் உன் வேலை. அதனால அதை எதுக்கு சொல்லனும்னு கேட்பாரு. ரொம்ப நல்லவரு.
வித்யா: அப்ப இவருக்கும் நோ சொல்லிடலாம். 

அடுத்து இருக்கறவரு பெர்ஃபார்மன்ஸ் டெஸ்ட் இஞ்சினியராம்.

நித்யா : இது அதுக்கும் மேல. எல்லாமே நல்லா இருந்தாலும், இதை செய்ய இவ்வளவு நேரமானு கேட்பாரு. காபி போட 10 நிமிஷமாச்சுனா, காபி நல்லா இருக்கானு பார்க்க மாட்டாரு. 5 நிமிஷத்துல போட வேண்டிய காப்பியை 10 நிமிஷமா போட்டிருக்கனு சத்தம் போடுவாரு. நீங்க சொல்றது இன்ஸ்டண்ட் காபி, நான் செஞ்சது பில்டர் காபினு சொன்னாலும் கேட்க மாட்டாரு. அதே மாதிரி தான் எல்லா வேலைக்கும். அப்ப நீ மேக் அப் பண்ற நேரத்துக்கு நீ எல்லாம் இவரை யோசிக்கவே கூடாது.

வித்யா: அப்ப சாப்ட்வேர் மாப்பிளையே வேண்டாம்னு சொல்றியா?

நித்யா: யார் அப்படி சொன்னா? சாப்ட்வேர்லயே இளிச்ச வாய் கூட்டம் ஒண்ணு இருக்கு. அது தான் டெவலப்பர் கூட்டம். எவ்வளவு அடிச்சாலும் தாங்கிக்கும்.

வித்யா: அவுங்களை பத்தி சொல்லேன்.

நித்யா: நீ எதுவுமே செய்ய வேண்டாம். எல்லாமே இவுங்களே செஞ்சிடுவாங்க. நாம பின்னாடி இருந்து உற்சாகப்படுத்தினா போதும். ஆனா இவுங்க கிட்ட இருக்கற பிரச்சனை என்னனா எது கேட்டாலும் தெரியும்னு சொல்லிடுவாங்க. "அறிவாளி" படம் தங்கவேல் பூரி சுட்ட கதை மாதிரி. அப்படினாலும் ஓ.கே தான். எவ்வளவு அடிச்சாலும் தாங்கிக்குவாங்க. ஆனா அடிச்சிட்டு அடிச்சிட்டு "நீ ரொம்ப நல்லவனு" சொல்லனும்.

சரக்கு எந்து  இல்ல. எங்கயோ சுட்டது.

Unnecessary advice is injurious to health.

A well dressed gentle man was smoking at the airport.

Another gentleman came & asked him, “How much do you smoke a day?”

Smoker: Why are you asking such question?
Gentleman replied: If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.
Smoker asked that gentleman: Do you smoke?
Gentleman: No.
Smoker asked: Does that plane belong to you?
Gentleman replied: No.
Smoker: Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine.

Moral of the Story:- Unnecessary advice is injurious to health

The smoker was Vijay Mallya

Incredible India.

Ours is a nation :
* Where Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance & police,

* Where you get car loan @ 5% and education loan @ 12%,

* Where rice is Rs 40/- per kg but sim card is free,

* Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the money to any charity,

* Where the foot wears, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but vegetables, that we eat, are sold at footpath,

* Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the path to be famous,

* Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavours and dish wash liquids with real lemon.

* Where people standing at tea stall reading an article about child labour from a newspaper and say,"yaar bachhonse kaam karvane wale ko to phansi par chadha dena chahiye" and then they shout "Oye chhotu 2 chaii laao....."

Incredible India ,
Mera Bharat Mahaan

Wise doctor!

Doctor Bloomfield was known for his extraordinary treatment of arthritis. One day he had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane.

When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes, walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this, rushed up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that
doctor do?"

"He gave me a longer cane."

(Amusing facts, I love you!)

Beer, men and women.

Scientists are a weird class of people. They take upon a research that is worthless and waste of money.

Here is an example:
Some researchers wanted to test whether beer has female hormones in it.

Test:
They found ten men who were willing to drink free beer.

Observation:
All the ten men gained weight, talked nonsense, emotional when interrupted, unapologetic and started arguing over nothing.

Smile please!

Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Grandfather. "It's the best Christmas
present I ever got."

"That's great," said his Grandfather, "do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad
gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."

One more Indian name killing by an American.

Indian guy named "Anantharaman Subbaraman" arrived at the New york airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name, he got fed up and went to them and asked why they haven't called his name yet.

They said that they have been calling him for last 2 hrs as 'Anotherman Superman'

Funny URLs that mean something else.

A new book has revealed some of the Internet's most inadvertently amusing web addresses. This hilarious book is aptly named
"Slurls: They Called Their Website What?"

Why inadvertently?
Because of this rule that there should not be a space in the URL, this confusion occurs leading to funny words when read differently.

Here are some examples:

* The home page for celebrity agent database Who Represents, is addressed www.whorepresents.com (got it?)

* An Italian home page for energy company Powergen carries the address "powergenitalia".

* Experts Exchange - a site where programmers can exchange advice - is listed at www.expertsexchange.com (read it again if you are not smart)

* Speed of Art - an art collective - can be reached at www.speedofart.com

* Therapist Finder - a directory for therapy services - is located at www.therapistfinder.com.

I wonder why the Internet Technologies have not yet found a solution to allow space in the URL!

Man-a mixture of donkey, dog and monkey.

God created the donkey


and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

God created the dog


and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.size=6>
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
God created the monkey


and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
............ ......... .........
Finally God created man...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

I received this in an email. Traced the original source to Malayali Group in Yahoo!

Enjoy these intelligent answers at IAS interview.

IAS TOPPERS ANSWERS*

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)


Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)


Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)


Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)


Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)


Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)


Q. What looks like half apple ?

A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )


Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A: Dinner.


Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A: It caused a revolution.


Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )


Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....

No one will get second chance to impress....

Very impressive Questions and Answers..... ...


Question 1:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,

it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see

three people waiting for a bus:

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

An old friend who once saved your life.

The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that

there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilem ma that was once ac tually used as part of a

job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus

you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and

this would be the perfect chance to! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming

up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to

the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner

of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought

limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."


Question 2:

What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match

for my sister than you sir"


Question 3:

Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke

up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed

it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked


Question 4:

Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived

kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee

was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet) Reply was

"TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"


Question 5:

Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?

People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka

etc...

But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna

Killing N arakasura. In Dusavata ar, Krishnavatha ar comes after

Raa mavatha ar.

So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!


Question 6:

The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the

interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table

where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his fingers at some point at the table

and told that this was the central point at the table.

Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point

of this table, then he answers quickly that

"sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question

that u promised to ask....."

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. .......


Great performances-right?

Tamil woman in U.S. - Superb blog article.

The following is an excerpt from a blog (written by an Indian in America )

Superb! Read it when u need a break...really superb...!

Read further only if you are a Tamilian.

Title: En per padum paadu!!!

என் பேர் படும் பாடு

My full name is Kalaivani, but I call myself Kalai. This is not for scene, ....like how Madhavan does in Anbe Sivam (Anbarasu --> Ars).it has a looooong and pathetic history...

I started hearing different versions of my name after coming to this country, and the painful fact is all the possible permutations and combinations of vowels in my name give meaningful words in tamil!!!

When I first joined the university, my professor wrote to me..

Dear KALAvani (meaning: thief; context: kalavani paya..)

Sari adhuvachum typo nu free ya vittudalam..

சரி அதுவாச்சும் typo நு free ya விட்டுடலாம் .

Then after a year, I joined a company for internship.those people called me before I joined, to inform me about some test which I had to take..

"Hello is this Ms. Kizhavaani?"

கிழவாணி (meaning: old; context : kizha bolt..etc.)

"No..this is KALAIvaani"

"Ohh..am sorry KALAvaani" (மறுபடியும் ..)

Then I decided.periya pera irukkinala thane ivlo confusion?!! So, I started calling myself 'Kalai'... but the story continued..

I joined my full-time position in another company recently. On my first day, we had a meeting..

"Let's all welcome our new associate.Ms. Kulai" (meaning: bunch; context: kulai kulaiyai vazhaipazham kaaithadhu)

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! Followed by smiles.

(Dei.ennangada. .. ellarum serndhu comedy panreengala? ??)
(டேய் என்னங்கடா. .. எல்லாரும் சேர்ந்து காமெடி பண்ரீங்களா

Anniku arambichadhu. ..(அன்னிக்கு ஆரம்பிச்சது )

Once my boss and I were talking about a project... after finishing the meeting...

"Ok, Kali. Nice to have you here!" (meaning: last yuga; context: kali muthi pochu.)

"That's KALAI" (Enakku idhu thevaya?!) (எனக்கு இது தேவையா .)

"Ohh kAALi?" (meaning: goddess; context: badrakaali.. )

"Hee hee .very close" (Podaannnggg. ..!!)

போடான்ன்ங்க் ...

So, I stopped correcting my name after that..!

One fine morning, I was working.

"Hey kiLai (meaning: branch; context: marakiLai) .howz it going?"

"Yea good" (Sollitu thirumbitten. Nammaluku edhuku indha per thiruthura business nu...)
சொல்லிட்டு திரும்பிட்டேன் . நம்மளுக்கு எதுக்கு இந்த பேர் திருத்துற business நு

"Is that how you say your name?"

(Aaahaa arambichutanya. ..!!!)
ஆஆஹா அரம்பிசுடன்யா.

"Uhhh. It's KALAI"

"Kolaai?" (meaning:pump; context: kozhai adi sandai.)

(Venaaammm.. .)

வேனாம்ம்ம் .. .

"Kolai?" (meaning: murder; context: kolai panniduven.. )

வேனாம்ம்ம் .. .

"kaLai?" (meaning: weed; context: kaLai pudunguradhu.)

(Valikkudhu. .. azhudhuduven. ..)

வலிக்குது . .. அழுதுடுவேன்

"May be I'll get your name with practice. Haha."

(Idhellam remba over da dei... Tamil la paatha rende rendu ezhuthu thaan da!!!)

(இதெல்லாம் ரொம்ப ஓவர் டா டேய் ... தமிழ் ல பாத்தா ரெண்டே ரெண்டு எழுத்து தான் டா

Ennada, Chandramukhi la thalaivar 'durga' perai nakkaladikkira maathiri... namma per ayiduche nu nenaikkum podhu... (என்னடா , Chandramukhi ல தலைவர் 'துர்கா ' பேரை நக்கலடிக்கிற மாதிரி ... நம்ம பேர் ஆயிடுச்சே நு நெனைக்கும் போது) my friend came up with a brilliant idea!

Adhavadhu... to compare my name with a word.so I started using this word 'kaleidoscope' ; which has the same pronunciation as 'kalai'!

So, I started telling everyone. 'Kalai as in kaleidoscope' !. Ippo kooda romba ellam ozhunga solradhulla. They are saying 'kalaai' (kalaaikiradhu)..

"Hey Kalaai!!"

"Yea?"

"Just trying to say your name. Ha ha ha"

"Ohhh ..how sweet!" (thooo thEri..) தூ தேறி

Yedho vaandhi edukkira effect la per irundhalum.. . my life was in peace... until few days back...

My net connection was down, so I called up the customer service (En kiragam. Madras call center ku pochu!)

Enakku andha vishayame theriyala. So I started in complete American accent...

"Your name ma'am?"

"Kalaai"

"What? Can you repeat ma'am?"

" Kalaai as in kaleidoscope"

"I didn't get that ma'am. Can I have your number? I can check the records"

(Sigh!... and gave the number)

"Ohh, Kalaivani, right?" (in a sarcastic tone.)

( Ada paavi makka... nee nammooora??! !! All American accents stopped. Back to Indian accent.)

I could clearly see what he was thinking... per paatha 'urs pammingly' nu podra category maathiri irukku... scene podradhu mattum princess Diana range kaa...

"Anna... naan sathyama andha maathiri illeeengana. ..

அண்ணா... நான் சத்தியமா அந்த மாதிரி இல்லீங்கண்ணா